There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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