My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Too much gin, very little bucket
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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