I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
