i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
