I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
