I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
