New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
