ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My nipple is on Facebook.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
