3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
