discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
