So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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