just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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