Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
this boner is exhausting
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
