if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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