the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
