So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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