Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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