dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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