I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
