Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
