I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
