with your own penis?
you would pick up someone in the library
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Rumble strips road head = magical
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
