i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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