you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
