My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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