The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
