It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she looked like the before picture.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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