Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
