You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
