I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
