He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
