just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
