i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize