Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
