HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
