Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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