Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
