Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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