Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize