I hope mine doesn't look like that
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
