I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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