16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
