dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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