better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
