Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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