Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
