I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
