Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
