I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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