If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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