i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
