...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
