Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
