the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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