insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
