fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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