ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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