I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
