time to smoke my breakfast
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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