he was CRYING into my vagina
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
