During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
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