Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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