Christians are straight up FREAKS
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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