Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
