I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
