In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
