Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
