I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
