They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
