i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
