We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
