Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
