There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
