So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
