Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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