Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
