the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it glows. i had to have it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
