after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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